To My 21-Year-Old Self - Hikmat Abiodun Quadri
I have always thought the concept of talking to my past self was one of those cliché things that I would never do, yet here I am doing it. There are many motivations for wanting to write this, but they can be summarized in one phrase… “a lot has happened”. This past year has seen my life go through many changes including completing my five (six) years at the university, going through an existential crisis, and dealing with the effects of a global pandemic.
21 was an age that I was particularly looking forward to. I guess I bought into the frenzy of what being that age was supposed to look like. Freedom, independence, and other buzzwords like that made me think that something magical was going to happen the second the clock struck midnight on my birthday. In reality, I sat on my bed that night trying to block out the sounds of CNN reporting on the frightening statistics of the COVID-19 crisis.
In a way, I feel like the year I spent being 21 was both the longest and most fast-paced year of my life. If I could find a time machine, I would have lunch with the girl I was on my 21st birthday. I’d tell her so many things and comfort her over chicken and ice cream. Since I can’t go back in time, I thought that writing a letter would be the next best thing. So, I put pen to paper and wrote all the things I would want to tell her, all the things I would want her to know.
Dear 21-year-old me,
Let’s address the elephant in the room. Yes, the COVID-19 pandemic is still ongoing. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear but it’s the truth. Don’t worry though, you’ll be able to go outside in a few months, and by the time 2021 rolls around, the hysteria would have significantly subsided. Face masks will become a thing, hand sanitizers too. There’ll be a lot of controversies and conspiracy theories about the vaccines, and even the virus itself. Try not to lose your head over it.
I hate to be the bearer of more bad news but COVID-19 isn’t the only thing you’re going to have to worry about. Insecurity will skyrocket, and there will be times when you won’t feel safe in your own home. There will be some really big, and really scary events that’ll put you in a seemingly endless state of panic. It’ll seem like everything is falling apart around you, you’ll think you’re going crazy but you’ll be fine. I promise you’ll be fine.
School during the pandemic will be a very different kind of experience than any other academic experience. You’ll spend many months at home, then you’ll have classes online, and eventually, you’ll have to leave your house to rejoin society. I know you’ve been looking forward to conducting experiments for your project and everything else that goes with it. I have one word for you, STRESS. Brace yourself because you will experience new levels of stress, but you’ll be fine for the most part.
Final year isn’t going to be anything like you think. It’ll be boring and quiet and endless. You will realize that you’re not going to miss much of anything that you thought you would. You’ll also see that many of your friendships are not even what you thought they were, and that’s okay.
It’s not going to be all bad though. For one, you’ll get to watch many Korean dramas and entertain yourself with social media. New friends will come into your life and old ones will become like family. Being cooped up in the house will force you to finally hear about your siblings’ dramatic lives. You will bond with them, play with them and laugh with them. You’ll have a few emotional breakdowns and one huge existential crisis, but you’re strong enough to deal with them.
I know you have a lot on your mind right now, many dreams, more fears, a lot of random thoughts about Korean dramas. Just breathe. I know I can’t tell you how to react, I’m not the best role model in that aspect. I know things will feel overwhelming many times. I just want you to always stop and look at yourself. I want you to see how much you’re growing. I want you to appreciate the opportunities and experiences you get to have. I know we’re both not the best at handling change, but I want you to do your best to keep a cool head. I trust you. I love you and I believe in you. We’re going to be okay.
Yours lovingly,
22-year-old you.