Sisterly Love: Victoria’s Friendship Story
In this story, Victoria talks about her friendship with Nife through thick and thin, and how the movie, Moxie inspires her to embrace friendships with opposite people. Read the second episode of Sisterly Love here.
“After one month of working, she called me aside one night and said she had a confession to make. That night solidified our friendship for good. She confessed she went to work because she saw that I was struggling financially and needed help. She had planned to give me the salary so I could add to whatever I had to pay my fees.”
Victoria
Can you share a memorable story about a female friendship you've had with a Nigerian woman? How did you know she was your sister for life? How has your friendship evolved over time?
When I got into the university in 2015, I made three female friends and we formed a clique. Out of these girls, Nife stood out. I met Nife when we were in 100 level but our friendship didn't really blossom until 200 level. She was always there for me and I was closer to her than the other girls in our clique. I couldn't understand why she would always look out for me or try to help me resolve any issues I had, even if it meant going out of her way. Time after time, Nife showed proof that she was that friend you could call a sister. As long as she had to share, she'd never allowed me to go hungry or be in need.
She was a major push in my studies as well. I remember one day while we were in class, I had this craving for potato porridge. I had no idea where this craving even came from as potatoes aren't at the top of my list when it comes to food. Why and how should a broke student be craving potato porridge? After class, we got to her hostel. While I had managed to swallow saliva in place of my cravings and managed to forget about it, Nife who was broke as well, went around the hostel asking for 100 naira from each of her hostel mates, so I could have my porridge. If that isn't a show of love, I don't know what is. Though we are apart now as school is done and everyone is trying to put their lives on track, we still remain close and know that distance doesn't break our bond.
How has your friendship influenced your sense of identity and belonging? Are there specific moments that come to mind?
When you have good female friends, you find out that they will stand up for you in times when you can not stand for yourself. My friendships have taught me that I should believe in myself, my abilities, and my strength, with the knowledge that I have people cheering me on all the way.
Can you share any Nigerian or non-Nigerian female friendships, whether from real life, literature, or media that have impacted or inspired you?
The 2021 Moxie film is about a girl who fights for female rights in her high school. The movie is focused on Vivian who is the main character. However, I took an interest in the relationship between Vivian and Claudia who is her best friend. These two are completely opposite characters, but Claudia still manages to support her in her own way and even takes a fall for her.
I think humans tend to drift toward people with the same characteristics and we sometimes think that being opposites will do us no good. You can find the best of friends in these people. I tend to want to make my friends more social, and vocal and do things my way. But Moxie teaches that differences don't equal less commitment to the friendship. Those differences could just be our superpowers.
Can you describe a time when your friend played a significant role in supporting and empowering you? How did it affect your personal growth or journey?
I was in the 300 level and had expressed my inability to pay my fees to Nife. She knew the struggle and the dilemma I was going through. Without fees, you would not be able to write any exams which may lead to an extra year. While the semester was going on, Nife told me she wanted to find a job because she needed money for something. Pairing school and work isn't the easiest thing, and I wondered why she'd even take the risk of missing classes and attendance. You know how Nigerian schools are. It was a snack shop, and she would always bring leftover snacks home to me. She saw that I enjoyed them so much and she made it a point to always bring some. Of course, I missed her because we always went to class together. However, I respected her decision to work.
After one month of working, she called me aside one night and said she had a confession to make. That night solidified our friendship for good. She confessed she went to work because she saw that I was struggling financially and needed help. She had planned to give me the salary so I could add to whatever I had to pay my fees. She wanted us to graduate together. Tears couldn't describe how I felt. The Bible talks about a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Nife is that one friend.
Have the cultural and societal expectations in Nigeria shaped your female friendships in any way?
There's a common stereotype that women hate themselves, therefore making female friendships almost an impossible thing. Truthfully, this stereotype has affected me in some ways. I subconsciously tend to draw closer to my male friends than the female ones. I am currently trying to be intentional about my female friendships. God made them man and woman, not men alone. Every gender is a blessing. For me, I believe that hoping and praying to find the friends that will impact your life positively is the goal. That includes females.
Have you ever faced a challenge or obstacle in your friendships? How did you overcome it?
I sometimes argue with my female friends and we quickly resolve it. But there was one of my friends with whom I had a clash. It was a silent clash. She didn't know I was mad at her. At some point, I even deleted her number. After a while, there was a great disturbance in my spirit to reach out to her. This friend in question is a really close one, and she's one of the good ones. I had to put my anger aside, approach her, and express my feelings. It turned out she was angry with me as well. At the end of the day, it is always better to express how you feel, listen to the other person and resolve issues immediately.
What advice would you give to Nigerian women who are navigating the complexities of forming and nurturing female friendships in their lives, especially as adults?
The good ones aren't always hard to find. You can always tell them apart when they're sent to your life for good. Also, be a good friend to someone. Changing the narrative that good female friends are hard to find and keep starts with you.
What's the most hilarious or unforgettable adventure you've had with your female friends?
One day in school, I and two of my friends were headed to class. While walking to the class from the school gate, it started to drizzle and gradually turned into a heavy rain. We didn't find any cover and decided to keep going. We became drenched but didn't stop. We were just a few steps away from the class when we decided to turn back and head home. While we walked, we fantasized about the future and about how we would tell our kids the story of how we went through the sun and rain to get educated just to give them a better future, LOL. We laughed at ourselves because, though we did get wet, we never got to class.
What would be the title of a Nollywood movie about your friendship? And who would play you and your friends?
Unbreakable bond 1 & 2
What's the soundtrack of your friendship? This could be a song that you and your friends enjoy, or a song that perfectly describes your friendship.
Count on Me by Bruno Mars
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