Sisterly Love: Sybil and Epere
Inspired by Vivian Nwajiaku, the Sisterly Love series is a celebration of the beautiful female friendships, and sisterly love that many Nigerian women experience, share and enjoy. In this first episode, Sybil talks about meeting Epere in 2013 and how their friendship has evolved despite being complete opposite people.
“One time, we were both coming from class, and Epere's shoes came apart. She was shy to walk barefooted, so I took mine off, and we were barefooted together.”
Sybil and Epere
Q: Can you share a memorable experience or story about your friendship? How did you know she was your sister for life and how has your friendship evolved over time?
Sybil: Epere and I met in 2013. We were freshers in the same department at the university. I didn't think much of her because she dressed a certain way that gave off a "church girl" vibe. She felt similarly about me too because I dyed my hair, wore bright lipstick colors, and dressed in short dresses. However, on a lecture-free day, we bonded over our shared love for "Pitch Perfect," and we've been friends ever since. We also took the same path home, so we began attending classes and studying together, and it built up from there.
We both realized that to make our friendship work, we had to respect each other's boundaries and beliefs. We questioned our choices, gave advice when necessary, encouraged one another, but ultimately let the other person make their own decisions, whether it was "boy dramas," job hunting, or starting a business.
It was difficult at first because we had nothing superficial in common. She was also carefree about life while I liked to do things meticulously. But I suppose our differences are what made us work well because we balanced each other out.
I knew it would be a lasting friendship when I could let myself be vulnerable with her. While Epere easily told you how she felt, I would suppress my emotions, so it was hard to cry or express sadness with her or anyone else. I knew I had found a sister when I could cry to her, even if it's over the phone.
We don't see each other as often as we used to due to "adulting," but we make communication a priority with calls and texts. We pretty much try to be present in each other's lives as much as we can.
Q: How has your friendship influenced your sense of identity and belonging? Are there specific moments that come to mind?
Sybil: It's beautiful to know that someone has your back. It's like a community of sisters aside from your family that will be willing to defend and make sacrifices for you. One time, we were both coming from class, and Epere's shoes came apart. She was shy to walk barefooted, so I took mine off, and we were barefooted together. Another time I had housing problems and stayed at hers for the semester. We live in a coastal region, so once her room got flooded, and we had to act fast and move her property quickly. We have hangouts when we can and look out for each other. It's good to know that my friends can protect me, and I can do the same. It's not necessarily physical, but you know they can call for help when necessary. Friendships also help you grow because one's successes inspire the other. I'm always happy when this friend starts a business or that friend got a job, or this friend has finished a course or that one got a side gig. It has helped me realize that no one can do anything in isolation, and even if you can, having a community eases the process.
Q: Can you share any Nigerian or non-Nigerian female friendships, whether from real life, literature, or media, that have impacted or inspired you?
Sybil: Definitely the "Pitch Perfect" franchise. It showcases women with different backgrounds and personalities coming together with their shared love for music. Despite the loss at the beginning of the movie, they always win in the end.
Q: Can you describe a time when your friend played a significant role in supporting and empowering you? How did it affect your personal growth or journey?
Sybil: The labor market can be a vicious place to navigate, but my friend always came through when I was between jobs, until I got settled. She would also tell me about one opportunity or another to try, and so on. I recently needed money to get an apartment, and she loaned me the money.
Q: Have the cultural and societal expectations or beliefs in Nigeria shaped your friendship in any way? Also, have you ever encountered stereotypes or misconceptions about female friendships in Nigeria? How did you navigate them?
Sybil: This is interesting because when my friend and I started hanging out often, people said that a man would eventually come between us, so we both made an unspoken rule to not let that happen. Although there were times when we both would have crushes on the same person, we realized that separating over something fleeting was not worth it.
Q: Have you ever faced a challenge or obstacle in your friendship? How did you overcome it?
Sybil: I think here, it was about communication. We can't always be cheerful and happy all the time. Sometimes tension will fly high, and we'll overstep, say mean things or choose to be adamant. But communication helps you see things from the other person's perspective, and even if you don't understand, you can empathize.
Q: What advice would you give to Nigerian women who are navigating the complexities of forming and nurturing female friendships in their lives, especially as adults?
Sybil: Friendship, like any relationship, is hard work. Sometimes one person will put in more effort than the other, and other times, you are both at your lows and dealing with stuff. But you always have to be willing to accommodate the other person. Also, societal stereotypes make it harder for female friendships. Some will call you prostitutes when you hang out together or raise an eyebrow when you hold hands or talk affectionately to each other. They'll call you a couple, especially if you're both unmarried adults. So, you'll just have to filter out the noise and keep going.
Q: What's the most hilarious or unforgettable adventure you've had with your friend?
Sybil: I've mentioned this previously, but it has to be when we were both bailing out water from my friend's house during the flood.
Q: What would be the title of a Nollywood movie about your friendship? And who would play you and your friend?
Sybil: Hmm. It will be called "B for Besties." Nancy Isime would play me, and Lydia Forson would play my friend.
Q: What's the soundtrack of your friendship? This could be a song you and your friend enjoy or a song that perfectly describes your friendship.
Sybil: "True Love" by Pink.
Edited by Adetutu A.
Adetutu A is a creative writer who enjoys reading for leisure and binge-watch comedy series. You can connect with her on Medium.
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