Her Covered Face - A. Oluwatobiloba
For years, I had an invisible veil covering my face. I was insecure. If you’ve ever listened to the song, Insecure by Sauti Sol, there is a rhetorical question that asks: why are we still so insecure?
Personally, I think the answer to that question is… We have not learnt to understand ourselves. We’ve not taken the time to know ourselves better. We spend years meeting new people, getting to know them, and loving fearlessly. But we do not take the time to groom ourselves with love.
A few years back, I was a victim. I had no love for myself because I had acne. I had so many pimples that you could write a poem about them. The pimples left dark spots on my face and slowly, I began to hide my face. I hated how the black spots looked like road maps leading to nowhere. I was so obsessed that the first thing I did every morning when I woke up was to rush to the bathroom to look in the mirror. I was never surprised when I saw another pimple.
I became a certified dermatologist overnight. I tried everything I could find. All of the facial creams I could lay my hands on, natural mixtures from YouTube, Instagram, and Pinterest, I got them done. I did not like how I looked and that eventually progressed to self-hate. I found fault in everything I did.
I stopped going out and was socially awkward the few times I did. Before my acne, I had gotten chicken pox at 10 years old and it left some scars on my body. The pimples were just as bad. I was tattooed with spots and scars.
But I was wrong. I did not understand that I had to love myself no matter what. Through the pimples and acne. With the spots and scars, I had to remain committed to myself. So I went off social media and stopped obsessing over the Internet’s edited beauty standards.
One step at a time, I started living for myself. I’m not there yet, but I’m almost there. I still have the spots and scars, but never again will I repeat the same mistake of not loving myself. With all of my spots and scars. But it never hurts to recite my daily affirmation every day while looking in the mirror.
Daily Affirmation
Sun up, sun down, I love me.
Come what may, I shall stand strong in my love.
I am rare, a gem like no other.
I love me through all the seasons.
God did a great job creating me.
I am beautiful. I will be fierce and only I can rule my world.
While I think marriage to oneself is a little bit over the top, it’s necessary to make vows and commitments to ourselves first before we commit to others.
It starts with you.